Spider-Man's Ultimate Foe

Cuphead - Teaser Trailer

Cuphead, an old school run and gun side scroller, with a 1930's inspired style (think Steamboat Willie and original Popeye cartoons) scheduled to release on PCs late 2014. Cuphead focuses on one-on-one boss fights, instead of the typical level/boss fight formula.

Cuphead has me intrigued.  I have always been a fan of the shooter genre, and the hand drawn graphics definitely grabbed my attention.

The team at Studio MDHR found inspiration for Cuphead's gameplay in some of the greatest shooters created in an article that can be found on their dev blog.

video credit: cupheadgame.com

The ADS - Shoots 800 Rounds Per Minute...UNDERWATER!

Russia's New Underwater Assault Rifle Can Shoot 800 Shots Per Minute | Motherboard

  

 Safe to say, James the nigga hating dolphin is SHOOK!

Or not....

 

Every Fighting Game, Ever.

This Moment in Fight Scene History - Hard Boiled (1992)

"Give a guy a gun, he thinks he's Superman. Give him two and he thinks he's God."

A good portion of Hollywood owes John Woo a check.  My action movie snob was birthed the day I brought this home from the video store. It was gritty ultra-violent, yet gorgeously filmed.  The body count amassed in the first fifteen minutes was astounding. Tequila is still top ten movie bad asses for the simple fact he showed us how to dual wield. 

The tea house scene still holds weight even in the era of the Hollywood action blockbuster, and still gives me chills. Check it out below.

Nerd Alley: Gamers Garner Genuine Girlfriends? Unpossible!

I am a sad case.  A poor excuse for a man.  Melanin Brooks is a gamer, but you knew that already if you've been reading.  I am a hairy palmed, basement dwelling, Hot Pocket devouring gamer.  I bathe in the light of my flatscreen, and the blood of the noobs I just pwned in Call of Duty.  Girlfriend? Who has time!  Between clan matches and practice for clan matches & shit talking before clan matches....you get the idea.  Besides, women don't pay me any mind.  I'm forever alone, fapping till my wrists give out.



I almost kept a straight face typing that bullshit up there.  So honestly ladies what's the fuss?  Why do some you feel we aren't worthy to date, marry or fuck?

Do you fear that you'd have to compete with games for attention? That phrases such as "Baby, just one more game" and "I'm almost at a save point" will become commonplace? Date nights will be reduced to DiGiorno's and Wii Bowling? Do you fear the day that he'll prefer the bosom of John Madden to yours? And when you can finally convince him to have sex with you, he'll call out Lara Croft's name instead of yours?

They say there's no romance without finance. From what I hear they don't take rupees at Red Lobster. There will be no wining and dining from a gamer. We'll spend every cent of our allowance (we're irresponsible and immature after all right?) buying the latest and greatest consoles. While your girlfriends console you on your ain't shit boyfriend. No money to go out, no money for gifts just because. He's too busy tricking off on that Zelda bitch to pay attention to you.

I know what else you're thinking...that he'll only know how to finger analog sticks.  The only joystick he'll maneuver helps him with Mortal Kombat and the only thing that will explode in the bedroom is a semtex grenade hurled during a game of team deathmatch.  The only hot ass he'll think about is rode by John Marston.

Let's be honest, I could replace gaming with sports, cars, "the studio" and the potential for failure would be exactly the same.  It's a hobby, a way to unwind after a long day.  Do you see gaming as  childish?  A time waster?  If you watch Basketball Wives and/or Real Housewives of West Bubblefuck...you can't say shit about maturity, or time wasting.

The numbers don't seem to look good for you either.  According to the ESA (Entertainment Software Association) 72% of households play games.  That means there's an almost 3 out of 4 chance that you become a cat lady.  Oh snap, you may have to cut off some of your girlfriends too child! 42% of all women will pick up a controller from time to time. (All statistics can be found here)

Unlike Bigfoot, Playable Luigi in Super Mario 64 and Jay-Z's Illuminati ties, the dateable gamer is not a myth.  Are there some that perpetuate the stereotype? Definitely, but they do not make up the majority.  I can balance my time with games and the time spent with my girlfriend.  Hell I'm lucky enough to be able to combine the two every once in a while.  A controller and some friendly smack talk can bring a couple closer. I know when it's time to power down.   When she gives me the look, watch me drop that controller faster than Mario slides down a flagpole (editors note: *PAUSEEEEEEEEEE*)  As an additional  bonus you won't have to wonder where your man is if he spends a good majority of his spare time on the sticks.  Where was I last night? LIBERTY CITY!

I'm not changing for anyone, period. I'm a gamer, and we're the shit.