On A Lighter Note

I thought my Chicago people would get a kick out of this. I did.

I'm Torn

Between ambition and complacency. I've never been much of a risk taker. I don't know where along my lifeline my mentality became this way, I just remember always going by the book. I can just remember my parents losing two houses to foreclosure, and just struggling financially overall. I didn't get an allowance, and when I got older they wouldn't let me work (I know right.) So when I did get money from wherever I held it tight, so tight I was scared...no petrified to even let that loot out my sight! Who knows when I'd even see cream again I gotta make it last is what I'd say to myself. Fall clothes became winter & spring clothes. Don't even mention girlfriends, or dates. I'm lucky I even went to prom lol.

Comfort zones...they sure are comfortable. Sure they're a bit cozy, small if you will, and you can't fit all the shit you want to do and have in there. So why in the fuck is it so hard to move out? Things are changing around you and my little bubble, and I want a part of that change. New things, better things. Here I am though watching it pass by. My zone getting cluttered and musty with my fear. Febreeze don't get that shit out. Soul searching is in order.

Seven years is a long time. Ending a relationship after such a long time is....a lot of things. For a while you deny and can't believe it's over. You blame yourself and wonder what you could've done to prevent it, kicking yourself all the way. Then it's accepted that you have to start from the top again. But you don't....you sit in your comfort zone, eat ice cream and play XBox all day. You're safe here. Nobody here will hurt you, reject you, tell you you won't succeed. You're the shit in here. Everything you need is there, but not what you want and dream about when you close your eyes nightly.

You can't fail in your zone.

It's a huge world out there, I'm ready to see as much of it as I can. I'm going to make dreams real. Or at least try. I hope I can be patient with myself.

So I Decided to Blog

It's a little after eleven P.M., I'm sitting in the dark watching Adult Swim, surfing the web and juggling a few messenger windows. Good times right?

I really have no clue why I had the urge to write something in this space. Maybe it's just my desire to write anything. I really don't get an opportunity to really just sit and be in a space where I can just peck at the keys and hope to the gods that it's something people will enjoy reading. I sit down and hope I can Copperfield Microsoft Word and make the Statue of Liberty vanish textually (is that even a word?) Sometimes I use this blog to tell every last damn one of you my business, times like now, I use it to ramble, and ramble I shall.

Just thinking about it, I would say I've been exposed to the innanet (yes I know I spelled it wrong) since 1997. It was quite the novelty then. Wasting time in between classes in college. Never would have thought then I would use it to shop, get information for any subject I'd need and meet some very good friends through a bunch of cable and signals through the air. It's become a part of everyone's life, whether you realize it or not.

Love sucks. No it doesn't, but it feels like it when you wear your heart on your sleeve like myself. Being back in "the game" after so long, I feel like fucking Encino Man. I just thawed out, and have no clue on how to do anything. I'm hunting down a mammoth and will cook it soon as I discover fire.

This Kanye vs. 50 battle is a bunch of crap. It's straight up WWF. If Fiddy hits Kayne in the head with a chair then Superfly splashes him off the 106 and park couch, I quit! Seriously I will disown hip hop.

What's the deal with Crankin' dat Souljaboy? Shit got the internet goin' nuts (c) Paul Wall. Even white girls are supermanning that hoe. I'm not really a fan of the song itself, but I guess it's harmless.




Trying to find clothes for the fall is quickly becoming a pain in the ass. I'm trying to change a few things around, some paint here a new roof there....shit is getting pricey fast. Anybody out there have any sites or stores they can suggest to a brother?

Think I'm going to turn in now. Slumber calls.