TMNT Ninja Turtles vs Villains Battle in Baskeball (Bane, Darth Vader, R...

PENGUIN GOES STRAIGHT G #MWEPARODY

Just Because the Shoe Fits...

My father doesn't have a sneaker collection. I never wanted to dress like him, not because I thought he was tacky, but because I outweighed him by the time I was eleven. By no means was my upbringing a struggle that would make Oliver Twist look like Ricky Stratton, but it wasn't quite the charmed life either. My desire to make the evolution from nerdy to cool kid (wait, you can be both?) trumped the idea that my parents couldn't afford the freshest gear. The motto for sneaker shopping "$50 or less you man footed little crumb snatcher" (I'm quoting very loosely here.)  It didn't matter who I wanted to impress, or why.  The price better be right on those kicks, or you better open a sweatshop Peasy.

When my parents finally gave me some leeway on their strict budget (I guess all that taking edumication seriously stuff finally paid off) to let me cop a pair of Nike Air Veers (pictured above) I treated the shoes with the respect and reverence Moses would give the Arc of the Covenant.  I wasn't going to extremes, but I needed to show them and myself that I can and would take their investment in me seriously.

Copped 'dem Air Dexters

This post isn't supposedly to be about how I became a borderline sneakerhead, I've found myself the father of four beautiful children, two of them teenage boys. Guess whose meager shoe collection they want to pillage?

We've all had that problem. The "let me put my stank ass feet in your fresh kicks" problem. The death stare given to those with that inquiry is almost automatic.

You can't (shouldn't) glare at your budding teenager(s) this way. I feel like it's my responsibility to give them some insight and pointers on this sort of thing. I'm not passing this off as a end all be all guide, just some advice and pointers I've given to the youngins under my wing. Now here come the bullets!! (No Chiraq-o)

• Keep it real, get your own shit man, and be original

 "That's all man And you'll be a better man And you gonna come out on your own way"

I mention to my sons that they don't have to wear what everyone else is.  It's the old "If everyone els ejumped off a bridge..." cliche. Wear what you like. What makes you feel comfortable and most importantly what makes you feel confident.  That Jordan logo isn't going to help with that. Which brings me to my next point.

• All that Glitters...

Separating the real from the fake is vital. I practice "fake it till you make it" to a certain degree, but never ever ever ever when it comes to sneakers. Kicks, just like the friends and associates they'll have in school quality trumps quantity. I preach frugality, but paying more for products that will last for years rather than less for a piece of crap knockoff that may not even make it out the box to your foot is an easy choice.

• You See This? Get Used to It

I am not made of money, and neither is your mother! Keep them shits clean, and crease free. Don't think you'll be fucking up our washing machine either. Get to scrubbing. In other words, take care of what is important to you and get good grades and don't hit your sister and do your chores and say your prayers and eat your vitamins. Maybe...just maybe a new pair will be in your future.

I'll have this fatherhood shit down pat...

Peasy Listening - Madlib x Freddie Gibbs - Robes (feat. Earl Sweatshirt & Domo Genesis)

The first release from The Beat Conducta & Gangsta Gibbs collaboration entitled "Cocaine Pinata." Due for release March 18.

via: Rapcats

Our Vinyl Weighs A Ton: Official Theatrical Trailer [HD]

Hard Corps Uprising Speed Run

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO FINISH THIS GAME ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!

Game has been giving me fits for a few years months. Hard Corps Uprising is a spiritual successor to the Contra series for those of you who didn't know.

This is a usual session of Hard Corps Uprising for your old friend Peasy.

I'm optimistic, my reflexes are sharper than ever. Cool as a fan in a polar vortex. I'm making Uprising my bitch today.

Making my way through without too much trouble.  So far so good.

 

A few cheap deaths (alleged) it's alright bro, don't panic. Situation's under control.

Finally, end level boss. I've got this motherfucker licked (said your mom.) Praise God for progress. Then quickly as Kanye can find a mirror, the game over screen sucks every ounce of life from my thumbs.

Not actual Hard Corps Uprising Game Over screen

FUCK THIS GAME!!!

But we know I'll be back. I've been married once, but I'm sure as hell no quitter.

Meanwhile Mecha Richter just glides through each level as so:

It's a hell of a display...and yes I'm jealous.

Botchamania 242

Botchamania 242 from Maffew on Vimeo.
The video series that listens to it's fans almost as much as WWE does, it's Botchamania 242: Meng In Tights!

Music...
Escape! by Nobuo Uematsu (Final Fantasy V)
STAGE SELECT 2 by Capcom Sound Team (Mega Man X)
Talking with Ghosts by Kazumi Totaka/Shinobu Tanaka (Luigi's Mansion)

Thanks To...
All 17,000 people who sent me the Bootista ending suggestion. Everybody above the age of 20 sent me that as an idea, which just shows the influence and impact The Simpsons once had.

So aye, Royal Rumble 2014. One great match, one non-match, one awful match, one great crowd and a bottom-tier Rumble.

Spider-Man's Ultimate Foe

Cuphead - Teaser Trailer

Cuphead, an old school run and gun side scroller, with a 1930's inspired style (think Steamboat Willie and original Popeye cartoons) scheduled to release on PCs late 2014. Cuphead focuses on one-on-one boss fights, instead of the typical level/boss fight formula.

Cuphead has me intrigued.  I have always been a fan of the shooter genre, and the hand drawn graphics definitely grabbed my attention.

The team at Studio MDHR found inspiration for Cuphead's gameplay in some of the greatest shooters created in an article that can be found on their dev blog.

video credit: cupheadgame.com

The ADS - Shoots 800 Rounds Per Minute...UNDERWATER!

Russia's New Underwater Assault Rifle Can Shoot 800 Shots Per Minute | Motherboard

  

 Safe to say, James the nigga hating dolphin is SHOOK!

Or not....

 

Every Fighting Game, Ever.

This Moment in Fight Scene History - Hard Boiled (1992)

"Give a guy a gun, he thinks he's Superman. Give him two and he thinks he's God."

A good portion of Hollywood owes John Woo a check.  My action movie snob was birthed the day I brought this home from the video store. It was gritty ultra-violent, yet gorgeously filmed.  The body count amassed in the first fifteen minutes was astounding. Tequila is still top ten movie bad asses for the simple fact he showed us how to dual wield. 

The tea house scene still holds weight even in the era of the Hollywood action blockbuster, and still gives me chills. Check it out below.

Nerd Alley: Gamers Garner Genuine Girlfriends? Unpossible!

I am a sad case.  A poor excuse for a man.  Melanin Brooks is a gamer, but you knew that already if you've been reading.  I am a hairy palmed, basement dwelling, Hot Pocket devouring gamer.  I bathe in the light of my flatscreen, and the blood of the noobs I just pwned in Call of Duty.  Girlfriend? Who has time!  Between clan matches and practice for clan matches & shit talking before clan matches....you get the idea.  Besides, women don't pay me any mind.  I'm forever alone, fapping till my wrists give out.



I almost kept a straight face typing that bullshit up there.  So honestly ladies what's the fuss?  Why do some you feel we aren't worthy to date, marry or fuck?

Do you fear that you'd have to compete with games for attention? That phrases such as "Baby, just one more game" and "I'm almost at a save point" will become commonplace? Date nights will be reduced to DiGiorno's and Wii Bowling? Do you fear the day that he'll prefer the bosom of John Madden to yours? And when you can finally convince him to have sex with you, he'll call out Lara Croft's name instead of yours?

They say there's no romance without finance. From what I hear they don't take rupees at Red Lobster. There will be no wining and dining from a gamer. We'll spend every cent of our allowance (we're irresponsible and immature after all right?) buying the latest and greatest consoles. While your girlfriends console you on your ain't shit boyfriend. No money to go out, no money for gifts just because. He's too busy tricking off on that Zelda bitch to pay attention to you.

I know what else you're thinking...that he'll only know how to finger analog sticks.  The only joystick he'll maneuver helps him with Mortal Kombat and the only thing that will explode in the bedroom is a semtex grenade hurled during a game of team deathmatch.  The only hot ass he'll think about is rode by John Marston.

Let's be honest, I could replace gaming with sports, cars, "the studio" and the potential for failure would be exactly the same.  It's a hobby, a way to unwind after a long day.  Do you see gaming as  childish?  A time waster?  If you watch Basketball Wives and/or Real Housewives of West Bubblefuck...you can't say shit about maturity, or time wasting.

The numbers don't seem to look good for you either.  According to the ESA (Entertainment Software Association) 72% of households play games.  That means there's an almost 3 out of 4 chance that you become a cat lady.  Oh snap, you may have to cut off some of your girlfriends too child! 42% of all women will pick up a controller from time to time. (All statistics can be found here)

Unlike Bigfoot, Playable Luigi in Super Mario 64 and Jay-Z's Illuminati ties, the dateable gamer is not a myth.  Are there some that perpetuate the stereotype? Definitely, but they do not make up the majority.  I can balance my time with games and the time spent with my girlfriend.  Hell I'm lucky enough to be able to combine the two every once in a while.  A controller and some friendly smack talk can bring a couple closer. I know when it's time to power down.   When she gives me the look, watch me drop that controller faster than Mario slides down a flagpole (editors note: *PAUSEEEEEEEEEE*)  As an additional  bonus you won't have to wonder where your man is if he spends a good majority of his spare time on the sticks.  Where was I last night? LIBERTY CITY!

I'm not changing for anyone, period. I'm a gamer, and we're the shit.