Oh Noess!!!111 Secks Poast Ahead!?!

I know what you're thinking: "Oh a guy doing a blog entry about sex, what a surprise /sarcasm.

As many of my entries my train of thought we derail then get back on track, but the subject will stay true. Just a few ideas/lustful thoughts/pondering I've had on my bird the past few days. Trust me, keep reading you won't be disappointed.

My MP3 player has been out of commission for the past two weeks. It's been painful, in a hopes to find something worth listening to. I've been streaming mixtapes from http://www.datpiff.com I decided to listen to some slow jam mixes, and um...wow....wtf are some of these saingers thinking? *Hater powers activate* Everything is lacking. The songwriting/lyrics are lame, sounds like some bullshit game you'd try and spit at the club. How freaky you can get, how long blah blah blah blah blah blah...*yawn.* The shit don't even sound like something special you know? Them shits aint slow jams, it's music to get the jumpoff you met at the club to fuck. *hater powers off.*



Why are we so afraid of sex as a society? Seriously. Growing up, I wasn't supposed to ask about it, talk about it or watch the movies my dad had under the bed. I didn't get the birds and bees talk from my parents, it came from a medical encyclopedia (nerd!) I've pondered what I've inquired in my beginning statement. The shit always fascinated me to know how my body worked. I won't go into any details on that *ugh.* I say the world would be a better place is more people were getting laid. That being sexually repressed shit is for the birds.

A question for the ladies. Why is such a big deal placed on size? I mean is it a challenge? A feather in the cap to say you handled this many inches? Is it like climbing Everest, or swimming the English Channel?? By no means am I coming up short, but some of you want us to be hung like horses. In addition, fellas stop lying on/about your junk just to get in the door. And please please please PLEASE, stop being lazy!!! You too ladies!

P.S. Stop saying that you do not do a certain act, then when it's time to get down you're doing what you just said you don't. It's not really necessary to play to good guy/girl role, and you know you get down how you get down. No need to B.S. me or yourself. If you like it a certain way, I won't think any less of you. That leads me to the whole male/female hoe double standard. That shit needed to be deaded ten minutes ago. We're all adults, right?

When did my lips become so sexy? I've been getting a lot of comments about them lately. I dunno they're just my lips. Why can't a big brother get a break? If I was a few pounds lighter, I would have to fight y'all off with a got damn stick lol. Fuggit, I'm still sexy.

I was going to talk about porn, but I think that one will need it's own entry....and I don't have time for that now.

One last question ladies. I've heard a saying that a woman knows whether or not they will sleep with a guy within the first few moments of meeting him. Is that actually true?

Can't Live Without It

my frazy music, movies and books!

Music. I am so grateful for music. Not just one particular genre or artist, but everything. I thought about this today on my commute to work. I've gone about a week without my MP3 player, and the sounds of the city aren't pleasant to my ears. I appreciate that I can just put on my headphones and pretty much tune out all the bull around me. And when you hear that ONE song. You know what I'm talking about. Where that first beat drops, and whatever is going on around you doesn't even matter. Your walk changes to a slight strut, your head is nodding and you've started singing along to the lyrics. It sets the tone for the rest of the day. Nothing can bring you down.

Then there are those other times, times when you may be going through a rough spot in life. Then that one song you forgot about pops on, and it mirrors whatever you're suffering through. Reaching your soul through the wire, on the same frequency helping you cope. It is indeed Sonic therapy.

Music has been instrumental in my life (pun.) I couldn't fathom where I'd be in life without it. It's powerful, it's inspiring, it's a comforter and a friend.

Thanks again music.

I'm Insecure, But I Can't Help It (c) E. Badu

Yes I can help it. It's just hard as hell to turn off.

I've become so secure in my insecurities (c) Vast Aire, they've seeped into everything I do. How I think, how I interact with people. All that shit. I want off this ride, but I have no clue how the lap bar works. However, I do know how this whirling dervish vomit inducing ride was created for the impossible...

I want to be liked by everyone. It's a fickle mission I know, Leonaidas type L's abound. Doesn't stop me from trying, doesn't stop me from hurting either when it fails. I've always got the feeling that I'm being put under the microscope, by every single person I come into contact with. Looking to find one strand out of place so they can whisper and laugh under their breath. I know it sounds crazy...One minute I can feel like the baddest muthafucka on the world (c) Juggernaut and one questionable glance can crumble my whole world....

I give these people too much power. I have to stop...Be the shit no matter how I think I'm being scrutinized. I need indelible swagger, fuck it, I have indelible swagger! Ask about me lol!

Now that bridge has been crossed....

If you haven't already, go pick up Little Brother's "Getback." The album is fucking dope! This, along with Common and Kanye's album plus a lot of goodness bubbling under the surface, hip hop is definitely not dead.

It's been a few weeks since my Uncle David passed away. I read this piece at his memorial two weeks ago. Thought I would share it here. For whoever may be going through a loss...

I decided to write a psalm today.

Psalms like David. A psalm for David.

A song for us for we do not mourn today.

Neither do we moan in lamentable tones at the same time crying rivers and if you are build a bridge over to join us in this celebration.

Please I implore you check your anguish while I speak in the sweetest language I can stomach to describe this man's zeal for living.

Desiring to see what life had to offer. So in turn I offer up words and that the tiniest of echoes will travel above the clouds

with me standing below heavens hoping you smile.

Matter of fact the sun seemed brighter today.

Now it's okay to take a trip on memory lane Taking in the sights and sounds on a leisurely stroll.

But I'm sure uncle would say don't make it your home.

Cause it's a nice place to visit but it's too much life to live and while we dwell in the past, neglect the present as a present then our future becomes a declaration of what could have been.

It is what we make it after all.

We can't only come together when one of ours falls

We shouldn't let the family fabric unravel after we have spoken words of jubilation to our brother friend uncle and husband.

I admit, I had some problems getting these words down, how could I in a few stanzas stand here and speak about the lives he touched?

It would take even more verses standing at this podium nervous to somehow speak how all these people loved him so much. Could any song communicate that he would be missed I sat and pondered this thought, so much so, writers block became the Earth and I Atlas.
Then the answer hit me.
I wouldn't have to.
You see he hears us, sees what we're doing today tears of joy as pouring rain if you haven't made that claim rest assured we'll see him soon again. Without the worlds worry without the daily grind the rat race forgotten, left the cheese behind, sitting forever in paradise.
And that���s why I won���t cry, because this won���t be our final goodbye.
Besides, I know he���s in good hands....
Your hands....
This is My Prayer. This is My Song. This is My Love.
See you soon.

On A Lighter Note

I thought my Chicago people would get a kick out of this. I did.

I'm Torn

Between ambition and complacency. I've never been much of a risk taker. I don't know where along my lifeline my mentality became this way, I just remember always going by the book. I can just remember my parents losing two houses to foreclosure, and just struggling financially overall. I didn't get an allowance, and when I got older they wouldn't let me work (I know right.) So when I did get money from wherever I held it tight, so tight I was scared...no petrified to even let that loot out my sight! Who knows when I'd even see cream again I gotta make it last is what I'd say to myself. Fall clothes became winter & spring clothes. Don't even mention girlfriends, or dates. I'm lucky I even went to prom lol.

Comfort zones...they sure are comfortable. Sure they're a bit cozy, small if you will, and you can't fit all the shit you want to do and have in there. So why in the fuck is it so hard to move out? Things are changing around you and my little bubble, and I want a part of that change. New things, better things. Here I am though watching it pass by. My zone getting cluttered and musty with my fear. Febreeze don't get that shit out. Soul searching is in order.

Seven years is a long time. Ending a relationship after such a long time is....a lot of things. For a while you deny and can't believe it's over. You blame yourself and wonder what you could've done to prevent it, kicking yourself all the way. Then it's accepted that you have to start from the top again. But you don't....you sit in your comfort zone, eat ice cream and play XBox all day. You're safe here. Nobody here will hurt you, reject you, tell you you won't succeed. You're the shit in here. Everything you need is there, but not what you want and dream about when you close your eyes nightly.

You can't fail in your zone.

It's a huge world out there, I'm ready to see as much of it as I can. I'm going to make dreams real. Or at least try. I hope I can be patient with myself.

So I Decided to Blog

It's a little after eleven P.M., I'm sitting in the dark watching Adult Swim, surfing the web and juggling a few messenger windows. Good times right?

I really have no clue why I had the urge to write something in this space. Maybe it's just my desire to write anything. I really don't get an opportunity to really just sit and be in a space where I can just peck at the keys and hope to the gods that it's something people will enjoy reading. I sit down and hope I can Copperfield Microsoft Word and make the Statue of Liberty vanish textually (is that even a word?) Sometimes I use this blog to tell every last damn one of you my business, times like now, I use it to ramble, and ramble I shall.

Just thinking about it, I would say I've been exposed to the innanet (yes I know I spelled it wrong) since 1997. It was quite the novelty then. Wasting time in between classes in college. Never would have thought then I would use it to shop, get information for any subject I'd need and meet some very good friends through a bunch of cable and signals through the air. It's become a part of everyone's life, whether you realize it or not.

Love sucks. No it doesn't, but it feels like it when you wear your heart on your sleeve like myself. Being back in "the game" after so long, I feel like fucking Encino Man. I just thawed out, and have no clue on how to do anything. I'm hunting down a mammoth and will cook it soon as I discover fire.

This Kanye vs. 50 battle is a bunch of crap. It's straight up WWF. If Fiddy hits Kayne in the head with a chair then Superfly splashes him off the 106 and park couch, I quit! Seriously I will disown hip hop.

What's the deal with Crankin' dat Souljaboy? Shit got the internet goin' nuts (c) Paul Wall. Even white girls are supermanning that hoe. I'm not really a fan of the song itself, but I guess it's harmless.




Trying to find clothes for the fall is quickly becoming a pain in the ass. I'm trying to change a few things around, some paint here a new roof there....shit is getting pricey fast. Anybody out there have any sites or stores they can suggest to a brother?

Think I'm going to turn in now. Slumber calls.

Chicago!!

What the fuck is up with this weather?! It's April, it's cold and snowing! Some early birthday gift huh?

I'll be 28 years old tomorrow (I'll accept well wishes, gifts and lapdances.) What will this year get me besides a year closer to 30? I guess that's really all up to me. Always has been, but more now than ever. The window of opportunity get smaller (or is it me getting larger?) Life is too short for the drama, I'll be living for me for now on.

The plus sized model movement is jumping off on the women's side. Well, what about us fellas? Why can't I get my big ass dressed up and pose for some pictures? I think I'm pretty handsome, I have all my teeth. All I'm saying is if I'm going to buy some gear I'd want a guy close to my size sporting it. Just no smedium shirts please. Thanks.