TITM Note: This entry was written on Saturday November 21 on a train ride back from Indiana. Well maybe the last half hour stretch of the trip. I thought about maybe revising as I translate my chicken scratch, but doing that hindsight would get in the way. A moment in time, snared in forever's net.
I put myself out there quite a bit in these entries. I wear my heart on my sleeve even on the interwebs. I may look silly or even simpish sometimes, but you get ME nonetheless. With that said, here we go:
Hurt is disappointing. It is like losing your virginity. You are never the same once someone has taken your all, your essence and treated it as nothing. Spending the days compensating for the void. Not only that, the walls come soon after. Starting off frail as a tree house, soon they become brick & mortar wonders. Ramparts that keep you in, and everyone else out.
I looked at my pen as a pick axe. So much sweat...so much effort...just to get a peek at daylight. Trapped is the word that comes to mind. Prayers for an ear to listen go unanswered. I am a patient/prisoner in an asylum built by my own hands. A piece of me feels safe, stable. The other misses the sun.
No one will ever hurt you here
But no one can ever love you here either Jason....
You know good and damn well, your heart has never been of stone ground. The weeds that come in to choke your life away wished they could be as fruitful.
Cultivate and emancipate. Free yourself and be yourself (I know it sounds cliche, but whatever works.) This place has no doors, but the key is within. Take that step...you will not fall.
I've written from the brink many a days...it's horizon twisted & grotesque. Most days feeling devoid of anything that made me unique. A work of art sand blasted into nothing.
I believe in you. I believe in us.
I know you would say the same.
1 comments:
"Hurt is disappointing. It is like losing your virginity. You are never the same once someone has taken your all,"
"No one will ever hurt you here. But no one can ever love you here either Jason…"
"Cultivate and emancipate. Free yourself and be yourself"
My 3 fave lines. What I love most about your blogs is that they're so relate-able. I can identify with a lot of your struggles because I've been there and got through or I'm going through and wondering when I'll finally break through. The other thing I love about your blogs is that your voice isn't fatalistic. Though you may be frustrated/tired/etc. you never give up...you keep pushing. I need to read that. It helps me to keep pushing through knowing that I am not alone. Thanks for sharing J. Peace & Power...
Post a Comment