Trials & Errors

I'm about to lay something heavy on you all.  Dropping that Steve Harvey science on cats....

Don't leave!  I was just joking!  There will be no more mentions of the best Family Feud host ever...or hardcore anal sex.

Now, back to this Wile E. Coyote boulder of revelation I'm holding, let me drop it on the one....

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="632" caption="I told you it was huge...#thatswhathesaid"][/caption]

Relationships are hard fucking work!   Nothing wrong with a strong ethic, but it's somewhere between rocket science & gator wrestling.  Mymind & heart read from the  same book, but comprehend the words differently.  Me experiences zero gravity....then you put your comfort zone in storage.  That's just the easy part.

Being in love doesn't bar you from making mistakes.  If you knew that already, I didn't get the memo.  Being perfect for her, means being imperfect for her as well.  I was struggling with the idea of my "perfect imperfections" as she puts it.  That just wasn't enough for me I wanted to be perfect perfect.  I needed subtract the mistakes, the hurt feelings & the sadness.  I saw these as impurities ripe for purging.  "She doesn't deserve your mistakes, Jason she's better than that" I'd tell myself after every fumble.  Feeling like the dejected QB who threw the interception that cost my team the championship (Shoutout to Rex Grossman.)  I know I make it sound like I had a fuck up assembly line, but far as I am concerned one is too many.

I know for a fact that the scale tips heavier on the side of the right things I've done in this relationship, but I've been conditioned in a way.  In the past I was accustomed to having every transgression thrown in my face the minute it could be used to keep me in line so to speak.  Not the way to live my friends.  Now, I don't have to be fearful of the Flea Flicker play that is pretend to forgive & not forget.   Forgiveness cannot be Indian given (totally un-PC I know.)  Coping is a different ballgame, but I know when she says "we're cool" It's another step up heaven's stairway for us.

James Baldwin once said “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”  We brawl with insecurities, cross swords with miscommunication and hold the fort against the barrage of mistrust.  We fight because it's worth it.  I fight because you're worth it.  Evidence that what man dreams, can become so real.  I'm saying thank you...with my chest.