Am I A Cougar Magnet?

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="512" caption="Cougrrrrrrr"][/caption]

Nope.  Wrong cougar.  Even though I did want one of these back before I had my license.  I'm talking about cougars, MILFs, Demi Moores.  Those older ladies who rob cradles like Bernie Madoff.  Let me paint a picture of a tale from a Friday long ago....(Last Friday, I'm just trying to be dramatic.)

My co-worker and I are at a happy hour spot downtown.  Real niggerish most Fridays, but it was quite chill this day.  Not really crowded, the thirst meter seems to be low and most of the women are pretty easy on all 4 of my eyes.

My co-worker and I are chilling in a booth, drinking the strongest LI Iced Teas ever.  I swear them jokers were Barry Bonds, Mark McGuire and Hulk Hogan....anyway...along with Tasha's sister and her friend I was informed Mama was coming out to kick it.  *name deleted*  is telling me to be on my best behavior, but when isn't The Tangent Man on his best behavior?  (Don't answer that....)

So Ma dukes comes through, looking exactly like both her kids.  Except, more like sisters than mother/daughter.  I introduce myself, and she's kool aid cheesing from jump.  I get the "behave Jason" look from *name deleted*, all I could do is:

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="What am I 'Posed to Do?"][/caption]

Her: "Don't look at my Mama!"

Me:

So I'm already doing all I can to not have my coworker bite my head off later, but at the same time Mama is touching on me and asking me to dance.  How am I supposed to turn a blind eye to some T&A all in my grill?  Answer: I don't...so we hit the dance floor.  She is out there JUKIN'! J-U-K-I-N- apostrophe!  I'm impressed but at the same time I'm

omigod

omigod

omigod!

This lady is backing it up on me hard.  Hoard even!  We get back to the booth and I ask her if she needs some water, she's ok on the water but she says I could get her something else later....

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="359" caption="Even the Joker's Hands Are Tied"][/caption]

and before I could even say "hot flash" she pushed my head into her bosom.  Whoa indeed....Then a few minutes later we were involved in a near donnybrook.  I'm sure nobody wants to hear about that....but I bet you can't wait for the next entry in the Nerd Alley series!

Aaaand it's gone....