Most of the time, I have no idea what goes here. It's a roulette wheel most times, games of chance. Thoughts being wagered, because all thoughts are valued AND valuable. The wheel stops it's rotation, and hopefully where rotation stops revelation begins.
I've been walking this globe for 30 years and change (well 29, we all crawled lol) and at least once a week I would ask myself, "What the fuck am I doing here?" A question that would more than likely use up every empty space on a Scantron, is presenting itself to me regularly. I felt like something was wrong with me because I didn't have a clear cut answer. But honestly, who does? We are fleeting, we are fickle, we are multi-faceted and evolving (I think lol.) All a part of being human.
The fire, the trials, the hurts, the tears we spill when we think no one is looking...are all a part of your (and my) refinement. They feed inspiration, I guess it's emotional recycling. Taking the bad and making good, the strong become stronger. If the world were a utopia, would there be personal growth? Besides, the world would be dull if it were perfect.
Taking in the drabness that is my cubicle. I pondered what I have become up to this point. The mulligans I wish I had for some decisions, what's coming in the days ahead, my purpose. The answer will be different later, hell it may change tomorrow, but today my purpose is to write. It's the only time I truly feel like I'm in control. I didn't always feel this way, didn't believe I had a gift. Just thought my rambling was therapeutic. Jason isn't crazy, so life is good...and I thought nothing of it. I wrote because the notepad would listen and not say a word, it didn't judge me, didn't laugh at my pain. The only difference is, now I share and some of you share back. I guess for now, that's why I'm here...
At least until tomorrow.
Purpose
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
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4 comments:
My fave lines = "I wrote because the notepad would listen and not say a word, it didn’t judge me, didn’t laugh at my pain. The only difference is, now I share and some of you share back. I guess for now, that’s why I’m here…"
I share the same sentiments bro. The pen and pad or keyboard & scree are my best friends. I need to get reacquainted with them though. Thanks for sharing.
J, I just love to see the way you articulate yourself through your words. If no one has told you today, nigga, youre awesome!
The fact that you don't post more often is a shame. I think we all, (the constant self evaluators) tend to live inside our heads at times. It's not so uncommon to pick yourself apart in search of a better understanding. Where my mind only forms incoherent ramblings at times, you form poignant phrases and thoughtful revelations.
Thank you! I would now go on this blog every day!
Elcoj
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